Archive - V e r i t a s . S o p h i a . I u s t i t i a

On this, A Saturday Morning

by Constantino_Giraldez @ 2009-03-07 – 08:18:09

Saturday morning. The neighbor's son getting married today. I was only told this morning. Same age, 29. Funny, I never even noticed him before with a girl. But then again, when have I actually paid any attention to my neighbors? It's a shame, really. My entire life spent here and I don't even know anyone's last name, or first, down this lane. Shy or just completely anti-social? A wee bit of both. Coffee in the morning, maybe a movie borrowed from the Esplanade library. Decent selection, I can now appreciate, which probably only means I'm sufficiently removed in memory to the library at Goldsmiths, with its hoard of celluloid treasures. Taste of Cherry or The Magnificent Ambersons? Maybe both. I have time to burn today. No, I don't, not really. There's always work to be done. Follows then obviously, why do it today? Photography exhibition at four at the National Library. Hit a hundred pages on Ulysses. Big fuckin' deal. The book's 900 pages long.

Don't Come This Way

by Constantino_Giraldez @ 2009-03-04 – 17:31:43

I went to the washroom. It was empty. I was grateful. I went to the farthest cubicle and locked the door. Then I cried. Quietly. When what I wanted, what I needed, was to howl. A primodial scream, an inhuman cry. Hold these hands please. They quake. Hold them please and stop their trembling. The pain, its grip on breath so vicious, last night I asked my mother to help me kill myself. She held me as she had done a hundred times before but I noticed, even she had not the heart to rebuke me now.

Unsuitable Vehicles

by Constantino_Giraldez @ 2009-03-04 – 09:41:08

Back at school and immediately the demons return with rejuvenated fury. What passed before in near silence now seem incapable of moving without piercing cries. I howled in anguish yesterday but all that did emerge from deep beneath was a haunted silence full of despondent cancerous poisons. Unsolicited attention called by my trembling hands. Be still, my body. I sit alone now, all are gone, a short moment of reprieve. I have cried my anger and these my eyes are swollen from envy and despair. I wish to care no more. I pray, but do not know who or what it is I ask for mercy from. When gone, my heart is still. I do not have to hear my heart crumble into dust. Stay gone, then, stay gone.

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