Archive - V e r i t a s . S o p h i a . I u s t i t i a

Like walking a tightrope across two skyscrapers after downing a bottle of bourbon. No one cares, and who can blame them? When the symptoms are always the same, how many variations can you expect words of encouragement to take? Their patience is not endless. I must learn to endure my depressions on my own. We live in a selfish world, a world in which you have friends only so far as your happiness and your unhappiness are entertaining to them. And it is entertaining, and empowering, to offer comfort to friends when they are down. But when they are perpetually down, then you will realize these same friends will soon find your complaints boring, repetitive, they will tell you to get over yourself. You are no longer entertaining, you don't make them feel good about themselves. Their inability to pull you together spoils their own self-importance, your whining infringes on the gossipy mood of their concurrent conversations on messenger, and so they shut you off, and you are alone in your darkness. I will not deny, it came as a shock, how cruel friends can be. Especially those you had carved a place in your heart for. But it is only human nature, and I am still naive and old fashioned, for I drop everything when a friend is in need and I forget that the world has changed. I suppose I must change along with it, learn to be as ruthless as you are, Reader. Counting off what you have read, treating books as though they were victims of a serial killer. When my eyes are open, I see you, Reader, as truly feeble, checking them off, one by one. You, will never, experience as I experience, you do not have gifts as I have been given, your mind has not the agility of mine. I cannot believe I loved so beneath myself. Whored myself to the unworthy. Check.

I have half an hour to write this. Not that there's anything of particular importance happening at ten. Just time for the next movie on channel 5 to tide over the next couple of hours on another Saturday night in. Desperately need to find something to do, something that won't cost a cent anyway. Three days from pay day and forty bucks in the bank. Gotta do something about that too. I have absolutely nothing set aside for a rainy day... but then, everything will turn out fine. How? I don't know. It just will. That's the beautiful thing about life. My life, anyway. It always does. I've met with obstacles, but I've never failed to win whatever it is I set my heart on. Lately, I guess, I've been somewhat distracted. Come to a crossroads. Too many directions I could take, every road bound to lead to a pot of gold. It was bound to happen. It's insane to think that someone who can pretty much do anything can be forced to do just one thing. For the rest of his life. I'm being dramatic. That is a near fatal flaw. I just need some perspective. So, I am brilliant. It's taken a while, I've not always known what to do about it, but I accept it now. I do. I'm impatient to succeed, but life isn't short, no matter what they say. I'm gonna take one step at a time now, nail everything simply because I can, and to all naysayers, well, watch and learn how the maestro does it, bitches.

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V e r i t a s . S o p h i a . I u s t i t i a

Civilizing Rituals

This Needs a Little Salt.